Let’s be real: Whenever someone asks you how you’ve been, you actually don’t want to talk about it. If you do say something, you’ll likely answer the question with: “I’m good.”
Or: “I’m good. Great, actually.”
That doesn’t mean you don’t actually have it good. But telling someone “I’m good” isn’t necessarily representative of what you actually feel. If you’re not sure where to look, grab a piece of paper and scrawl down some adjectives, being sure to leave off the typical “Happy” or “Good” to avoid being accused of false positivity.
If you found it through a form online, see if the description meets your qualifications. If the person you’re interested in doesn’t hold all of those, you can look elsewhere.
If you’re going through dating apps, you have more control over what information you share. Dating apps that have verified backgrounds require swiping left or right to reject a person, meaning that you can use that rejection to ask yourself: “Is this person the kind of person I’m looking for?”
If, at first, the answer is yes, move on. If it’s a no, most apps allow you to report the person or not, so that they don’t continue messaging.
If you’re cruising Grindr (or similarly casual hookup-oriented app) to find a random date, you should not be alarmed at the amount of people who are eager to put their experience into real life. Some sex seekers may be looking to find someone that they like to hook up with from time to time, or really, really just like someone to not have sex with from time to time.
Before you reach out to a person you’ve just scrolled through on Grindr, double check you’re not looking at a profile of a sex worker. You don’t want to feel like you’re being sucked in and never speak to the person you really would have lain with, despite knowing they’re just there to make money.
If you’re on a dating app you’re seriously interested in, or a very discrete hookup, you can and should search and filter via gender. A bit of light gynophobia can be a good thing, because this will let you see whether you’re sharing details on the app that you don’t want shared.
Of course, using the apps in asexual or queer-identified ways isn’t the only way to use them. Many people use them in ways
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